I saw Taylor Swift
and I'm never going to shut up about it
Hi guys,
I’m writing this to you at 2 pm central time, so technically, I’m not late yet… but I have a good excuse: I saw Taylor Swift perform live last night. Holy crap. What a show. Last night is something I will hold onto forever. It’s great small talk. Yeah, I was a the Eras Tour. What’s your favorite Taylor Swift song? It is also something to brag about to my future children/nieces/nephews. Yeah, I was at the Eras Tour the weekend Taylor released Speak Now (Taylor’s Version). She performed “Long Live.” Yeah, it was awesome. It felt like the 21st Century version of seeing The Beatles. You know that video where the crowd is screaming and crying? Yeah, that was me. The girls sitting in front of me kept videoing themselves singing along to Taylor’s songs, which means that two random girls have me crying in the back of their videos for all eternity. Cool, I guess.
I’m not sure I’ll experience anything like last night ever again. There is nothing like standing in a sold-out stadium where everyone is dressed up and knows the words to every song. It felt like one big party—a phenomenon, really—and I am beyond grateful to have been a part of it. Taylor loved our crowd’s energy. At the end of her first set, she looked at her backup dancers and mouthed, “Yep.” Then, she told us before she sang “Champagne Problems” that she and her dancers exchange looks when they know the crowd is a special one. It was nice to know that she gave us everything, and we gave her everything in return. She got emotional at one point listening to the cheers, and it got me thinking about how crazy it must feel to be her, standing on a stage listening to that many people scream because they love and admire you so much. What a life.
It also got me thinking about what happens when she’s alone (if she’s ever alone). I started picturing her coming home to her apartment in New York, and it’s quiet. What does she do? Write a song? Open a book? Was she following the Vanderpump Rules Scandoval drama like the rest of us? I feel like her brain never stops working. I actually worry about her in a parasocial way. I thought that the Eras Tour was going to be a finale of sorts, and then, she was going to take a long break, get married to Joe Alwyn, and maybe have a baby or two. But now, Joe is over and rumor has it she’s rekindling things with Harry Styles. Everyone thought she was going to release Reputation (TV) next, but now, I guess she’s releasing 1989 (TV). I’m wondering if she masterminded the whole situation and asked Harry to feature on one of the 1989 songs and that’s how they started talking again. My dad called it that she would return to country, which she pretty much did when she came out with Folklore and Evermore, and he also called that she was going to get back with Harry Styles, so basically, my dad is both a Swiftie and a prophet. I just want her to be okay and happy. I think she is touring. I could see it in the way she got choked up. But then, she cried singing “Last Kiss,” and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was crying about losing Joe and the future she thought she was going to have with him.
I also couldn’t stop thinking about how surreal it must be for her to sing and rerecord all her old music, to revisit all those past versions of herself. That’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, the ability to go back and visit my younger self. I want to hit pause when Priscilla Liu comes up to 2015 Maddie after dinner on their first night at Interlochen and tells her, “I want to be your friend.” I want to tell the two of them that in 2023, the summer after they graduate with their undergrad degrees, Maddie gets to meet all of Priscilla’s college friends for the first time, and they see Taylor Swift together. I want to tell high school me who is upset about getting a 4 on the AP Spanish exam about the Fulbright. I want to tell sixth-grade me that she gets to work for the Kenyon Review. And I’m sure a future version of myself would like to talk to me right now. But of course, time travel is impossible. Or is it?
In a way, Taylor Swift gets to time travel every Friday and Saturday of her tour, every time she rerecords an album. My favorite song off Speak Now (TV) is “Foolish One” because it feels like Taylor is singing a lullaby to her younger self. She’s both laughing at her and sending her love. Sometimes, it’s hard not to feel embarrassed by the things you did before you had a frontal lobe, before you knew what you know now. I like that she doesn’t seem embarrassed by her younger self. She looks at her with love, a laugh, and a smile. But I do think it must hurt to see how some of her dreams have come true (i.e. being a popstar) while others have not (i.e. finding the love of her life—hence the tears during “Last Kiss”).
And in a way, when I listen to her songs, I get to time travel as well. I cried when she played “You Belong With Me” and “Love Story” because those were my nerdy-middle-school-girl-with-an-out-of-control-imagination-that-no-boy-has-a-crush-on anthems. Folklore was my quarantine summer jam. “Bejeweled” was my senior fall at Kenyon hype song. Priscilla and I had fun imagining which Taylor Swift songs we would play at our hypothetical weddings. One day, our engaged selves might be transported to us in her car on the way to Kansas City, dreaming of slow dancing to “Lover.”
Taylor Swift is famous and a cultural phenomenon and an icon for many reasons, but I think the ability to time travel alongside her is one of them. She’s like an old friend in that sense—someone who when you look at them, you see all of the versions of yourself spanning back to when you first met because they were there for them, and that’s pretty special. So, thank you Priscilla for getting me here, and thank you for being my friend. Thank you Taylor Swift for playing a three-and-a-half-hour show. You’re a crazy bitch, and that’s why we love you so much.
No playlist this week. Everyone just listen to Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) and think of me.
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you,
Maddie 💜
Comment your favorite Speak Now song after you listen :)
Huge “when Emma falls in love” fan over here. But enchanted is my og fav. So jealous long live was on your setlist <3